Fuel Costs and Home Heating Articles: Emotional Infidelity in a Relationship: What is Emotional Cheating
People define cheating differently. Some people define it as an emotional act as well as a physical act and others just define it as a physical act.
That topic alone can cause some issues in a relationship if both parties define cheating differently.
So, in order to eliminate obstacles that may later come into play its always best to make certain you know how the other person in the relationship defines something like that.
Although its not pertinent that couples are exactly alike, there are obviously some important areas in a relationship which help uplift it rather than hinder it. And this type of topic can be one of those things.
Truthfully, I believe that its difficult to keep the romance alive and a relationship on a positive note if youre unable to work in unity with your spouse. Especially if one of you defines cheating in one way and the other defines cheating in another way.
Usually, physical cheating is what we all refer to as cheating. Its a general consensus, so its emotional cheating that can be the real culprit behind ruining a great relationship.
So well talk a bit about that today.
What Exactly is Emotional Cheating?
Well there are different levels of emotional cheating, but lets discuss the most significant forms of emotional cheating...
1) Lying by Omission
Some women consider cheating to be a secret that is kept from them. For instance, their spouse has a dinner date with another woman, but doesnt bother to mention it.
Whether this situation is considered cheating depends on the relationship you have with your partner and the type of friendships you have outside of your partnership.
Since the pendulum can swing either way its best to make certain you both see eye-to-eye before it ever happens (if it ever does). Maybe you dont think its important to mention it because it doesnt mean anything and mentioning it would give it more weight than its worth, but its best not to assume something like that but to talk it over instead.
The reason for that is because, on the contrary, some women feel that if it was so unimportant, then why not just mention it. Its a catch-22 situation. So, a constructive way to handle a circumstance like that it to discuss it with one another before it ever has a chance to occur.
2) The Roaming Eye
When I speak of the roaming eye I mean visual disrespect to your partner. Acknowledging someones beauty is one thing, but the roaming eye is a much more intense act.
Its beyond acknowledgement. In a situation like that, fantasy creeps in and your partner feels mistreated or upset due to the act of disregarding her and making it clear you would like to have sex with the person in your sights.
Under those conditions, it can turn into a huge problem for the relationship. Of course, its one thing to notice someones beauty from time to time, but the roaming eye is another thing altogether. It can lead to insecurity issues, trust issues, and sometimes result in actual physical cheating.
So exactly what is the roaming eye?
Although I couldnt possibly mention everything, lets talk about the more obvious actions...
The roaming eye constitutes going to strip clubs, ogling women in the street, and commenting can also be a part of the issue in which verbal insinuations are made concerning what you would like to do with that person. Taken too far, it can be emotionally abusive to your partner and result in a destructive relationship that could eventually lead you both in separate directions.
So, a constructive way to handle this situation on a personal basis, is to treat any woman like you would want someone to treat your wife, sister, mother, or any other female that you regard with the highest respect.
Of course, it isnt always going to work because youre human, but its a good place to start.
By asking yourself, How do I want other men to treat my partner? can help you change the entire way you see things.
For example, someone ogling your wife in a disrespectful way is most likely something you would not take kindly to. Perhaps youd even be infuriated if you witnessed it happening. So, if you apply those feelings to a woman that catches your eye, it makes it somewhat easier to want to treat that person with a lot more respect.
After all she is someone elses relative. Obviously not yours, but someones.
3) Physical Contact
This type of emotional cheating occurs when you go to strip clubs and receive lap dances or some other similar type of contact from the opposite sex.
As a man, you may not consider this as cheating, but your partner may. As a result, this induces conflict in the relationship in which your partner feels betrayed and you feel as if you didnt do anything wrong.
If this does occur, a constructive way to handle this is to put yourself in your partners shoes or put your partner in the strippers shoes.
For example, would you want her in a male strip club receiving lap dances? Or would you want your wife in front of other men stripping and giving other men lap dances?
Chances are good the answer is no. If you reverse the situation, its easy enough to look at it constructively so that the two of you can work on resolving the issue by basing it on the old saying, treat others the way you want (your wife) to be treated.
Be objective, be honest, and most of all... be fair. Work hard at trying not to give yourself extra privileges you wouldnt give your spouse. Make it your responsibility to be considerate to other women just as you would want another man to be considerate to your wife.
Youre no exception to the rule.
Work Together in Unity
Since this issue is such a big one, its important to sit down with one another and discuss why its happening if you arent in agreement about your actions, because a great relationship is built on unity between a man and woman and if there isnt any unity... it will lead to a lot of problems.
As a man, some of the distraction youre fighting against is biological which is often due to visual stimuli which you cant help. But that doesnt mean the promotion of that behavior is necessarily right. Its one thing to have a natural response to something like that, but its another thing to use that natural response to benefit you in continuing on in that behavior.
An important thing to do is to make certain that excuses on either end arent being made. Excuses and denial dont resolve anything. Serious situations like that require both parties to own up to their faults.
Pride should be left at the back door, so your relationship doesnt take a beating because of it. Avoid treating it like a game of matching pride against pride.
To eliminate pride in the beginning, you may find it a good idea to talk about how you want to handle the discussion on each end before you bring up the conversation.
Consider saying something like...
I wanted to talk to you about something, but before I bring it up, I thought maybe we could talk about how we want to handle this conversation, because I dont want anything getting in the way of us resolving it. I know sometimes I can be stubborn, so I feel its important for me to say that when we discuss this I dont plan on allowing that to interfere with us fixing this situation.
When confronting it like that, it allows the problem to take the forefront so that when you do end up discussing it, it makes it easier for you both to stay focused on the topic at hand and keep it on a positive note.
You can then discuss it in layers by trying to explain why you do what you do (besides the obvious reasons) and she can explain how it makes her feel and then you can both focus on how to resolve the issue together--in unity.
Its easy to feel that emotional cheating doesnt hurt anyone, because in certain ways it can be defined as an invisible act, but dont underestimate the damage that it can have on a relationship. It can do just as much damage as its lethal counterpart physical cheating.
Sure, there may not be any touching involved, but infidelity is not just a physical act. Remember, be objective, be honest, and most of all... be fair. You are no exception to the rule.
Work hard at being faithful to your partner in more ways than one--mind and body.